In my work as a coach I have learned much about how to ask good coaching questions.
Questions are at the heart of coaching – the sort of questions that as an individual we don’t always know how to ask ourselves. If we knew the right thing to do immediately, we’d likely just do it. We are often unaware of what we need to know about ourselves to make the changes we want to make.
It’s important to be in the presence of a truly curious coach who would like to know more about the events taking place in your life.
Why “Why” Is the Worst.
Knowing enough to understand how you got to your “crossroads” is essential, however once you are there, a coach is your best ally as you choose and commit to a new reality.
If you ask a person “why” they do the actions and behaviors they wish to change, they will tell you. They may actually know the answer, it could just be their best guess, or they may say “I really don’t know.” The difficulty with “Why” is it revives a story about your past. As my teacher Richard Bandler says, “The best part about the past is that it is over.”
Coaching is about taking where you are now, identifying how to make a change, deciding what to do, who can help, and when you can check on your results. By keeping the “spotlight on the correct person” (you), and keeping the conversation oriented toward the ways you will create a new future, you can bank on making the change you crave.
How And What Will Change?
As a coach, I work with you to get past the “why” and talk about how to work with your current challenge. As we work together, you can expect to be asked classic coaching questions like “what” you might do to change your situation and “how” will you get the resources that you need. In truth, you already know, you just haven’t told yourself in a way you can understand or accept, yet.
Emotional Blocks and Coaching Questions
Sometimes before the future-oriented coaching can begin there are lingering emotional confusions and hurts. Being stuck with “bad feelings” can prevent growth from happening. It is totally OK to come to coaching with emotional blocks in place. Part of coaching is to teach you how to consistently move past emotional states that work against your best interests and best self. I may use complementary conversational styles like Neuro-Linguistic Inquiry that are meant to assist you understand your feelings and change their meanings – moving beyond past hurts and old injuries will clear the way toward your success. I explain a bit more about how our conversation might include elements of Neuro-Linguistic Communication on my website.
I am happy to schedule a free, no-obligation 20 minute coaching conversation to learn about you and the changes you want to make. Fill out the form on this page to start the process of change today!